The Brazilian Experience..

In response to popular request, this post is going to be a bit more…ahem…personal, so if the words vagina, labia, libido, lover or references to “lady bits” offend you, this probably isn’t the post for you.

If I officially have your attention now, keep reading, this should be good!

Before I really get into the heart of this post, I want to let all of you know that I personally get Brazilian waxing done by a great Esthy. It took a few tries to find someone I jived with, but I found her. Finding an Esthetician is a very personal process. You’re exposing your bare vagina for 30-45 minutes and the goal is to leave with what you’ve paid for and without feeling like you’ve just been put through an awkward emotional ringer. Plus, it hurts, but just like having a baby, It’s all worth it in the end. Trust me, I’m on the wagon!

Let’s go through the process of a Brazilian wax from my (the practitioners) point of view.

I prepare the waxing table just as comfy as if I were giving a facial. I elevate the head a bit and I use a clean sheet every time. I fire up the candles, I turn on the salt lamp and I play my Light Electronic Amazon Music station. I want my clients to be as comfortable as possible. It’s important.

On the table I place a clean, rolled up hand towel and a disposable terry cloth, lavender infused hygiene towel. When the client arrives, there is a brief introduction and a waiver to be signed. Then we move on the the instruction. I tell the client that I’m going to step out and she should undress from the waist down, use the lavender towel to freshen up, lay down on the table and drape the hand towel across her lap. Some clients don’t feel like they need the hygiene  towel, and that’s okay. It’s there for your comfort. Some clients also prefer that the door never be opened and the’re okay with cleaning up while I’m standing there. That’s okay, too!

When I enter the room again, I only open enough to slip back in, then I lock the door behind me. Discretion is also important.

When I come back in, all supplies have previously been set up and I will slip on my gloves. I move the towel to the side of the client in order to have the ability to quickly place it back over her if the need arises. The moment that the towel is removed, my brain goes into hair removal mode.

My thought process goes something like this, “Is this hair long enough?”, “How dense is the hair and should I trim it?” , ” Which way is the hair growing?” Then I start thinking about my steps. Disinfect the skin. Prep the skin for wax. Make sure the wax isn’t too hot or not hot enough. I’m also very concerned about the client’s comfort.

That moves me into the heat of the waxing session. After the labia majora (the flat dry part) is done, I have to switch up my products. The labia minora, (VERY fragile wet parts) requires a bit more attention. I often have clients use a wax stick to hold all of their  lady bits to one side so that I can effectively remove all of the hair in such a fragile area. When the front is completely defuzzed, I have my clients do a little pilates so that I can make sure the back door is also hair free.

Let’s dwell on the butt waxing for a second. If I’m being honest, it’s my favorite part of having a Brazilian wax. 99% of us ladies have hair back there, even if we can’t see it. Do you know who CAN see it? Your lover and your Esthetician. You’re welcome.

All of this is happening and it’s typically being done on a very nervous lady who is trying very hard not to drop F bombs. I will rarely judge you.

Let me tell you about some scenarios that I WILL judge you on:

If you bring your children, spouse or bestie to sit in on your waxing session, I will judge you. There is literally no reason to have anyone else in the room. It makes it so much more difficult for everyone involved. Get a sitter, you’ll be glad you did.

If you are over the top with dramatics and grabbing your vagina while there’s wax on it, clamping your legs shut like a clam shell, making a mess and moaning all loud…. that’s annoying, and it’s weird. I’ll judge you. I’m sorry.

If you’re taking pictures of me waxing you to send to your boyfriend, I’m judging the shit out of you. There is nothing sexy about getting a Brazilain wax. HAVING a Brazilian wax is incredibly sexy. Save the pictures for after you leave my treatment room, I won’t judge you then. Nothing amps up libido like having it bare down there….I get it, but don’t take pictures of me.

None of these things have anything to do with the shape of your body, your weight, your skin color, how much extra skin you have, your sexual preference or anything like that. I always try very hard to be sensitive. I honestly never even think insulting thoughts in my head about people. I have my own body that I beat myself up about and I know that it’s a very sensitive situation. Don’t be nervous about the experience, this is my job, just like when I was a Nurse’s Aide, but instead of helping to save lives, I’m helping to save marriages.


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